I remember working on this mix for more than six months in 2011-20012, but I don’t remember much else about that time in my life. I wanted to make a mix that chased the idea of the void. I made this, and I called it —/—/——.
Today, I’m renaming it “A Space Between Stars.” It feels like part of this series, and all these years later this mix still takes me on a journey. It’s a beautiful mix and I hope you enjoy it.
Rejoice=The Sun is Reborn today! Happy Solstice everyone.
The moment a human is born in outer space, humankind will be forced to rewrite its definition of what it means to be "alien." This is the music they will play on that day.
Music featuring: Mt. Wolf, Emancipator, BT, Marc Moulin, Tycho, Blond:ish, Piero Umiliani, Thievery Corporation, Clem Beatz, Disclosure, Cat Dealers, LOtheir, Santti, Maribou State, Alan Watts, and others.
Subscribe now on Itunes or Google Play using the banner at the top of this page.
Genre: Liminal Electronica
Released: Autumnal Equinox 2019
|\|\| 🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘|\|: A Lunar rumination.
Genre: Psychedelic Space Techno
Released: Lughnasadh Cross Quarter 2018
Daniel Avery: Fever Dream (Inga Mauer Remix)
Astrix: Deep Jungle Walk
Ranji: Power of Acid (Pop Art Remix)
Omiki, Planet 6, Ankit Sharda: Krishna
1200 Micrograms: E=Mc2
For generation they had ignored Gaia’s warnings until, finally, it was too late. Gaia’s resistance to their continued dominance was unavoidable. This time the world would end in fire, just as Revelations had promised, the planet would go fallow for several millennia, then the biosphere would start again. This time, without them.
Into space they fled. The playthings of technocrats became property of the masses by the points of guns. All systems were go.
They were the generation of exodus.
Holly Herdon: Breathe
Third Eye Drops: Mind Meld 104 | The Beauty of a Billion Failures with Dr. Dennis McKenna and Dr. Bruce Damer
Simian Mobile Disco: Caught in a Wave
Gabriel & Dresden ft. Jan Burton: Underwater (Tinlicker Remix)
Porangui: Sachamama (Kaminanda Remix)
Deya Dova: Hyperglide--Sky is on Fire (Juno Reactor Remix)
Hilight Tribe: Shankara
Enigma: Gravity of Love (Judgement Day Remix)
Highlight Tribe: Free Tibet (Vini Vici Remix)
Hilda's Icaro (a field recording of the icaro on my tattoo and sigil. Recorded at Namea Kaya in Pulcallpa, Peru in June of 2016).
Fur Elise by Outside Broadcast Recordings
XX Intro (Original Mix) by Kate Simko & London Electronic Orchestra
The Sea by Brother Ah
Mind Finds a Place of Peace (captured from the Headspace meditation app)
Rolling Clouds by Slowly Rolling Camera
Take Your Love to a Higher Level by Linda Perhecs
Watching the Storm by U137
Blossom by Tristan de Liège
Take me Apart by Kelela
Far Away Coast by The Golden Islands
Stone by Hidden Orchestra
Spirit Bird by Xavier Rudd
Avril 14 (Apex Twin) by Murcof / Vanessa Wagner
Outside my window a hollyhock blooms.
By manifesting in these corporeal bodies, we too bloom into space and time.
Our consciousness brings order to chaos, order to the void.
Into space, we bloom.
This mix is the final chapter of Apotheosis: Series One.
"The rain is pouring down like all the souls you sent here coming to this earth to find healing.
Mother earth takes in the rain like your heart takes my voice. Let us free each other with our prayers, with our voice
And I'm coming home and I'm coming...Ong namo guru dev namo. Ong namo guru dev namo." --Snatam Kaur
Transmigrate: verb (of the soul) to pass into a different body after death.
Novena Prayer to the Immaculate Heart of Mary
O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially to bring health, healing, and peace to the one I most loved; to lead me to a life of humility, love, and service.
We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever. Amen.
Far Away Visitors--The Shipibo Shamans
This is the Water--Twin Peaks, The Return, Episode 8
Pagan Dream Machine (Vibrasphere Remix)--Entheongenic
Crystal Child ft. Ganavya--Zebbler Encanti Experience
Bone Dance (Dancing Tiger Remix)--Deya Dova
Systemagic (Ralphi Roasrio Lunar Eclipse Mix)--Goldfrapp
Organza (Transparent Dub)--Cio D'or
Ong Namo (Bryan Kearney's Live Intro Mix)--Bryan Kearney & Snatam Kaur
And now begins the Imbolc cross-quarter, the liminal state between Winter and Spring. Throughout the forests a network of interconnected roots send signals to wake up. Dormant seeds twitch with early signs of life. In the high desert, the Western Junipers' needles become sticky with resin. Berries will be here soon.
We have made it through the winter; all the dormant spheres of nature are waking. Winter is not over, but its reign is wainning.
"When you look at your body, when you look at the world, it seems you are engaged with everything. That you have no time for God. But, every night, he dissolves your body into a subconscious sphere and makes you realize you are not a man, not a woman, but a piece of consciousness. A reflection of his consciousness sleeping in space, in joy. " --Paramahansa Yogananda
Liminal means to hold the space between two boundaries, to sit exactly on the threshold.
We are at all moments in the present, between the thresholds of the past and future. We have one foot on the Earth and the other in the heavens. We are a liminal species, always betwixt and between.
This music represents that idea.
Amed by Nils Petter Molvaer
The End of Dukkha by Matthew Halsall
Lonely Boy by The Avener
Final Eclipse by The Comet is Coming
Do the Astral Plane by Flying Lotus
Sequoia Tree Source Recording by Deya Dova
Ihs by Alice Coltrane
Accelerating Self-Healing, Pt. 2 (With Subliminal Affirmations) by Steven Halpern
5 Steps (Hidden Orchestra Remix) by Clarinet Factory
Alfilia Mi by Magnus Ostrom
Outro by WDL
The First Fire by If These Trees Could Talk
Also includes samples from Paramahansa Yogananda, Dean Radin (via Third Eye Drops, Episode 91), and Missy Elliot
This mix exists because I needed beauty in a time of darkness. A year ago today I entered what some might call a “dark night of the soul.” It was a period I barely survived and from which I am still recovering.
But there were two elements in my life that I turned to every day to bring something beauty into my world: time with my dog and music.
I had only one aspiration for this mix: to make something beautiful.
This solstice I feel my dark night of the soul finally ending, and like all periods of pain and loss I have learned much about myself and what I will allow from others. I haven’t turned the corner completely but I feel the light breaking; I feel the sun returning.
May this music bring beauty to your lives as you celebrate the longest night of the year with the warmth of friends and family and the blessing of the eternal force from which we all arise.
Reverie by Claude Debussy
Room 29 by Jarvis Cocker
Ebenalp by Elica
The Bard--Symphonic Poem, Op. 64 by Sibelius
Wait for Me by Luca D'Alberto
Nue by Nils Frahm
Immunity by Jon Hopkins
Varoeldur by Sigur Ros
Apnee by Kanding Ray
Wake up Wake Up by Lullaton
Symmetry by Max Cooper, Tom Hodge
Ground Hover by Specta Ciera
Evil Architecture by 1 Mile North
The Plain of Dover by Celidh
The alarm clock is a death knell. Your head aches, the sun slashes your eyes. Remember when drinking and casual sex were fun?
Get up, fucker, time to embrace the cliches of your age: live for the gym, make peace with being alone, don’t expect anyone to call you back ever, enjoy Snapchat. When he left the old world burned away. In the ashes, what remains?
Music, always music.
You could hear it on Main Street in Lexington, Kentucky from two blocks away when you were 19 with an ID that said you were 21--diva music rising like a fist in the night. Beer bottles thrown through windows of passing pickup trucks.
But the music: euphoria, heartbreak, release, survival.
Pull on your gym shorts even if they don’t fit you anymore, put on a shirt he bought you. Fuck it. You’re going to the gym.
You always told yourself you hated gay bars, but God what you wouldn’t give for one now that GPS-based apps have taken over. At least back then you could be dismissed in-person.
And that year on the road with him, the year you will never get back, you did it for love you’ll say when the great imaginary autobiography of your life is finally written. You tell yourself you gave it all you had, but what did that ever get you?
Shadow (Acappella) Chromatics
Open Source Sound Piece (Not sure!)
Ghosttown (Offer Nissim Drama Remix) Madonna
Do It Again (Denis Koyu remix) Royksopp, Robyn
Glimmer (Stereojackers vs. Mark Loverush Club Mix) Delerium featuring Emily Hanines
Flavor (Big Room Mix) Tori Amos, Peter Rauhofer
Who Needs Pain (Extended Mix) Super8 & Tab featuring Jan Burton
Burst (Switchbox Remix) Deya Dova
What is Real? Tigerskin, Lazausman
Running to the Sea (Pachanga Boys Remix) Royksopp featuring Susanne Sundfor
Running to the Sea (Man Without Country Remix) Royksopp featuring Susanne Sundfor
Sunday (Klangkarussel Remix) Max Manie
Shadow (Michel's Runaway Edit) Chromatics
True love, soul mates, twin flames, souls who chased each other across lifetimes. This is what we believed—how do you survive a love like that when it ends in only flames?
Pull on your gym shorts, go to the gym.
You’re way too close to forty and already the twinks call you “daddy.”
Fuck it. Pull on your gym shorts, go to the gym, try not to drink so much tonight.
Your side of things may never be heard. Fuck it. You can’t hide from the world forever. If he was dead you could grieve, but he is not dead. Pull on your gym shorts, get to work.
The body shakes as the heart breaks.
There is no spirituality without the vitality of a body.
The body: purification through sweat, through motion, through lust for other bodies.
The body: more than pixels on a computer screen—the supermarket of desire.
The body, let it move, let it heal.
This is who you were. This is who you are. Let the music find your way back.
Technical Notes: This mix is an homage to the DJ culture of gay clubs in the late 90’s/early 00’s. While all of the songs in this mix are relatively new, the tunes have deep roots in that culture. Featured here are mixes that run long, builds that are sweeping and dramatic, the calling of muses/divas. I let the songs play, let the stories be heard, built a mega narrative from all these synchronized moments. In putting this together, I was most surprised by the third act, starting around minute 39, the way this mix finds an unexpected narrative—how the melodrama rises to a point of hyperbolic collision where real, more subtle emotions might freely be released. I love the quiet moment at minute 50, and the unravelling that follows. This mix is energetic and bright, it’s meant to be moved to, while still channeling something dark in me that I have to let go of.
The body shakes as the heart breaks.
That Spring I cleared all the overgrowth and debris from the garden. The poppies bloomed at the same time and were not bothered by the rain. It seemed that life had found a rhythm, a normalcy.
I am sitting on the floor waiting to blast off. My destination is what my new friends call “the spaceship.” This is DMT, transcendence in a hot flash, five minutes into that other place and ten minutes for the journey back.
I barely know these people. I just met them a few weeks ago when an improbable mutual friend introduced us. This is only the second time we have hung out, but now they are about to chaperone my husband and I through our first and only DMT experience.
Before it was the subject of documentaries and discussed openly on podcasts and Reddit, DMT was the stuff of legend: an entheogen talked about in hushed circle, a badge of psychedelic honor for all who had tried it and came back to tell the tale. I believe you should try everything in life at least twice (since the first time is mostly nerves and uncertainty). Our new friends have only enough DMT left for my partner and I to go one time, so the pressure is on to do this right.
I hit the pipe; the DMT is harsh and hard to hold down even for a seasoned cigarette smoker like me. I get the hit down; my lungs are aching; the corners of the room begin to move like they are stuck in glue and I am pulling them toward me. I have not taken enough. I hit again, hold the smoke as long as I can, then collapse back onto the floor as the material realm collapses.
There is the sound of space/time being ripped open as I am shot through a tunnel of light to a place that is utterly foreign yet instantly familiar. It is a multidimensional realm of visual information and light. Before me is the jeweled-fractal veil that cross this space like an ER curtain. Many get lost here, caught in the trans-dimensional shimmering of informational objects, but I push through which requires the shredding of my corporeal body. Giant gears and lasers surround me and shred my body, then I am free to pass through.
Bringing back stories from this realm, from what I saw there, from the information that was downloaded to me, is a pointless endeavor. What I experienced there was intensely personal, unwinding like strands of DNA deep into my familial history, beyond the confines of language.
A few fragments from my journals of this time: A wolf the size of dragons, astral bodies of other travelers, the flash of a yellow figure in the room, my grandmother in the river of Gethsemane, cherub beings--one who pushes a shimmering multidimensional triangle of light into my chest before it goes, a fractal veil like a peacock tail, fractal realities cascading and colliding offering infinite variety and variation, calm/purpose, illusion, time does not exist, actual living Gods, love connects all beings in all realms of creation.
In Buddhism the Bardo is the realm that the dead enter after death—the same as purgatory to some Christians. It’s a waiting room where all that we lived is revealed and where Karma takes us to our next incarnation. In Buddhism, we remain in this place for 49 days. The enlightened, during the time, are able to learn great lessons so that they might have a more generous rebirth: 49 days the length of time between death and rebirth; 49 days the point in an embryo’s development where Buddhist believe we gain a soul; 49 days when sex is determined in embryonic development; 49 days when the pineal gland develops in the embryo’s brain.
Descartes hypothesized that the pineal gland is the “seat of the soul.” Modern science has discovered that DMT is produced by the pineal gland in the human brain. It is theorized that this substance is the root of both dreams and near death experiences. The pineal gland resembles an eye, and it located at the exact point of the “third eye” chakra—the point where many believe we access cosmic consciousness.
Another theory: When we die, the pineal gland releases all of the DMT that it has stockpiled. Death, literally, is a massive DMT trip. DMT might very well be the chemical gateway of the soul into/out of the body.
By smoking DMT, we approximate a near death experience, we walk on the other side of the veil for a few moments and then return to live out the rest of our incarnation—to love, to lose, to win, to die. Within an hour, our bodies metabolize the entheogen and there is no trace of the it left in our bodies.
Madness is to know what waits on the other side.
Each of us will walk in the Bardo, see the light which permeates all things. What we learn there and where we go next depends upon what we make of this lifetime, this incarnation. Our destinations are not all the same.
For weeks afterwords I walk through the world homesick. My house does not feel like my home. My friends seem like strangers to me. I am alien, out of touch with all that made me my self. Is this how madness feels?
There was a playlist of music on my computer that I had worked on for three years. I knew it was important but it would never come together. I compulsively added and subtracted from it, mixed it, threw away every previous draft. Then, one night after DMT, I sat down at my computer and added the Ravi Shankar track that had been playing during my trip. I instantly went to my hard drive and grabbed a few other tracks that had been right in front of me the whole time. I set up my mixer and recorded “Walking in the Bardo” in one take. It was an out of body experience—an experience with art that I have rarely known before or since.
Even now when I listen to this mix, it feels like another hand made it. If I die and you are left to put together my funeral, please play this and skip the preaching.
Transcendence comes at a cost. Not all who travel in these realms can come back to the material world and find their way.
Six years later the yard, the house, my husband, my profession, and my wealth would all be taken from me. I will be starting over by trying to speak through broken glass.
That spring all the poppies bloomed at the same time and were not bothered by the rains. We went out seeking transcendence, but madness followed us home.
Raga Kausi Kanhra by Ravi Shankar
Laida and Mikel looking for rhymes. (Basque, Laida Juanikorena Agirre, Mikel Azcona) by Alessandro Bosetti
Lunar Cement Sidewalk by Nurse With Wound
Mantra by Tool
Akan Drumming Pan by African Orchestra
Bizness by tUnE-yArDs
Tunnels by People of the North
Never been to Konono by aboombong
Death is not final by Shackleton
I Want To Go Home by James
Infra 5 by Max Richter
Healing begins with breaking the paradigm that is sick, that needs repair. Healing begins with elevating our awareness beyond 3D consciousness into the next phase--the Fifth Dimension, 5D, Dimension Five. This is not easy work, but it's required. Calling all peaceful warriors.
This music began on my second trip to Peru, and through the conversations I had with an incredibly gifted, beautiful, and generous healer that I met there. This music is for her journey, for my journey, for all of the twin flames in the world, for all who walk between worlds.
Open the channel. Let the awareness find its way through.
The work has just begun.
Thank you MaitreyaPunk, my Twin Flame, for the cover image.
Bass Thing by A Stranger Haven
3 Roads by Xavier Rudd
Awareness by Kalya Scintilla
Wide Eyed by Quanta
Halcyon by Filastine
Entering the Black Hole by Hugo Kant
Create Culture (Whitebear Remix) by Quanta
Universal On Switch by Govinda
Black Hole by DRRTYWULVZ
From Far Away by 16 Bit Lolitas
Epoch by Tycho
Om Rama by Alice Coltrane
The Aubergine of the Sun (Live) by Ott & The All-Seeing I
Wetiko, an Algonquin word, describing a form of cannibalism transmitted by a mindbodysoul virus. Once infected, the carrier becomes a cannibal that consumes all of the life around it until there is nothing left. It fails to see interconnection; it fails to acknowledge that it, too, is part of an ecosystem that must be balanced.
For more information on Wetiko, click here.
Most of us in the western world carry the virus. We transmit it through our dreams and culture, and it hides in our blindspots, thrives on our separation from the land and from each other. It traps us in the materialist cage of the American Dream.
We trade clean water and fertile soil for the ability to eat any food, from anywhere in the world, year-round. We buy, consume, and throw away more in a year than whole villages of our ancestors consumed in a lifetime.
Wetiko creates a world where the gap between the haves and the have-nots has never been greater.
In the year 2017, a dark force rose in America and many other parts of the western world. Those of us who are rational, who see beyond the political grandstanding and rhetoric, watch in horror as control of our institutions is handed over to the worst among us. And though it is easy to point to these Charismatic Leaders as harbingers, they are merely symptoms of a cultural network that gave them power to begin with (you will never get a new result by just changing the leaders if you don't also change the system that gives them power). In this dark era, the few safeguards we have in place to provide for the weak, to educate every human so that they might have some autonomy in their lives, to protect the last of our wild places, will fall. Wetiko will feed.
In this new America, scientists and park rangers go rogue--defying the orders of their bosses, funneling years of work and data to sympathetic professionals in other nations--while the World-Eater-In-Chief slashes the EPA surrounded by fossil fuel billionares and coal miners sick with a myth a self-hood that never existed for them.
War has already been declared. All of us are the enemies now. .
So, what do we do in the face of such uncertainty? Do we allow ourselves to be coddled by the fake opposition of a fake #resistance led by politicians who do no better on the issues that matter when they are in office themselves?
Preparation of Plant Remedies/Honoring Fire—Shipibo Shamans
Mexico 1 —Mujer Lakota
Empathy Box (Hypoxia Mix) —Drumcell, Hypoxia
No Lite (Genesis Breyer P-Orridge Dreammachine Mix)—Blanck Mass, Genesis P-Orridge
Donald J. Trump's Swearing In—A Stranger Haven
Mirrors (Third Chakra)—Glen Valez
Hallelujah Money—Gorillaz, Benjamin Clementine
Ayahuasca/Beauty of the Feminine—Shipibo Shamans
Icarando a la Ayahuasca—Norma
Cleansing of the Heart/Sleep Protection—Shipibo Shamans
Connecting Dreams—Jim Sims
Or do we fight back by claiming our own autonomy, by ridding ourselves of wetiko one individual at a time, by building networks that support and sustain humans and ecosystems alike?
In the past year I gave up a career and made a host of irrational choices for my own health. I was sick with Wetiko, sick with life in a systems whose values I do not share, sick with personal demons hidden by my own complacency in that dying system. I had to fix myself. One of the choices I made was to travel twice to the Peruvian Amazon to work with indiginous Shipibo shaman in ayahuasca ceremonies. These ordeals have been the most challenging of my life. I will not, here, narrate the details of my ordeal, but those ordeals shaped the music I am offering to you today.
I went to Peru for healing, but I refused to fall into the traps of so many western seekers--I was not after some cardboard "enlightenment," some gussy-uped version of the law of attraction that would justify my own complicity, materialism, and consumption. From my view, we are at war with Wetiko--the virus that is melting our glaciers, spoiling our air and water, turning our world into a toxic wasteland.
Awareness of the disease can lead to its cure, but here in the west we choose, instead, to stay asleep and keep dreaming of a world where some tech billionaire, some new technology, some untapped 'resource', will save us from ourselves. But only we can save us from ourselves. It begins with awareness.
The music in this mix, which I am choosing as the first episode of my new podcast, is the result of a year of meditation in my time after Peru. My intention here is to create a battle cry, one that will wake us to our sleeping selves and the plight of the world around us.
If we are enlightened, what good is our enlightenment if it does not lead us to fight? The world is burning, the glaciers are melting, the oceans are rising, great tidal waves of plastic wash ashore on even the most remote islands in the world. Our mother is sick, and there isn't much time left for us to wake up.
We need to wake up. This is an alarm to wake us from our dreaming.